The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the click this link hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .

But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex useful reference Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in urban areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. Many gay men wish to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".

However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete check out here attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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